Monday, 18 July 2011

Hotel Manager. Helps the staff or helps themselves?

I have worked for some dedicated Hotel Managers in my time. People that have worked 12 hour days, who lead from the front if things are going bad, they get stuck in first and ask questions later. Now these are my type of managers. They understand the business, they know that not everything can be perfect every time, they see that you are giving everything to your job and they thank you for your hard work and after busy service they get a round of drinks for the kitchen. These people care about the Hotel and Staff and these are usually the ones that have a highly successful career with staff that will follow them into battle anywhere anytime.
On the other hand I have also worked for the other sort of managers, the ones don't only work 9 til 5 monday to friday, who only come out of their office to bollock someone over a complaint letter that stated the hotel isn't 4 star because it has thread bare carpets, someone who picks up the phone an orders a busy member of staff to make them a coffee because they are to lazy to walk to the kitchen and make it themselves, someone who treats themselves to bottles of champagne because the staff have reached budget that month, someone who wants every bit of paper work in place so that if anything goes wrong the blame can quickly go down on to someone else and there favourite motto is "Shit goes downhill!". I have heard that more than once, but it never goes down past me, it sort of hangs around at my door because I am not prepared to stitch one of my chefs up.
These type of managers often have rules in place where staff aren't allowed to eat or drink at the hotel, but the hotel manager usually has all their family come and stay for weeks at a time on a complimentary account that never gets paid just forgotten about.
These people never stay in a job that long, probably because they are thieving bastards on the verge of getting caught by the owners!

Sunday, 17 July 2011

I want to be a trainee chef again!

There are days when I would love to be 16 years old again. I look at my trainee chefs and they haven't a care in the world. They get paid nearly £250 a week, they have no responsibility and all they have to think about is trying not to chop their fingers off and when they will get there first taste of pussy! I remember those days fondly, I would listen to the sex stories from the senior chefs or the excitement of going out clubbing when I was underage or learning a new dish for the first time.
Its so funny watching a young chef walking around with a massive grin on his face almost as big as his hard on after a young waitress has paid him the smallest bit of attention and of course all the senior chefs play along and tell him how much the waitress wants him.
I love watching the enthusiasm and how proud they are of themselves when they get praised for doing something well.
I do feel the kids have it a lot easier these days. I was on £50 a week when I started. Back in those days it was hard to pop your cherry. Nowadays it seems easy for these youngsters, i have a 17 year old commis who is shagging the 25 year old assistant restaurant manager and she does everything for him (he must have a huge knob!)
Would I really want to do it all over again? I don't think I do!
I love my life now with my family, own house, holidays abroad and any gadget I want. I don't really fancy the days of clubbing til 3am then up for brekkie at 6.30am still hanging and trying not to be sick while serving breakfast.
Would any of you go back?

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

What is the criteria for being on reception?

In my mind they should be cheerful, big friendly smile, good at spelling and maths, good problem solver and just generally great with the guests. How come we don't actually employ very many with these characteristics!
Instead we seem to get people who haven't even seen a hotel reception desk before, can't spell or count for toffee, rude and obnoxious to guests, and moan about how hard there 7-3 shift is and there only real concern is what is for staff breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in between.
Now we come onto the dinner booking sheet, this thing totally frazzles there mind. we have a limit of 8 people every quarter of an hour and there is 4 slots for tables of 2. Yet they turn up with a tables of 9, 6, 4 and 3 in one 15 minute slot and wonder why the chefs go crazy. It even says beside the slots maximum of 8 people.
The best has to be though when they type up the dinner menus, I know chefs hand writing isn't the best and I expect some mistakes but i asked one receptionist what a word said and she said "I couldn't read your writing, so I just made a word up!" OMG!!!!!!!

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

The living legend that is the Cheeseman's apprentice!

Now this is a man who came into my life selling cheese from the back of a van. It isn't even dodgy or cheap and I have still a man crush on this man!
I thought I was perverted til I met this boy. He is around 24 nearly married with 2 children but still likes to get his willy wet on his cheese round!( not by me!)
Now I don't condone cheating but this mans stories are legendary and to be honest his soon to be wife should know better, because she had an affair with the cheese man before and after she got married to someone else and the cheese man was even usher at her wedding. She only left her previous husband because the cheese man had got her pregnant.
His tales are legendary and the commis chefs gaze into his eyes with the love of a God.
He tells them how he pops around to see a 50 year old lady every friday and doesn't even really speak to her, just goes in, does the deed (quite roughly he describes) and leaves again until next week. He then tells how he gets a blow job off another girl in the deli store cupboard where he delivers and he always give her a bit of cheese as a thank you.
The best one was he got himself into such a state because he had had sex with a prostitute and thought he had caught Aids, he didn't have any symptoms or anything and he used a condom, he just got it into his head that he had it. He couldn't have sex for weeks it upset him that much but thankfully he is back to his old self now.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

EHO, Were they bullied at school?

I do believe they were. Now up til now I have had a pretty good relationship with our inspector as he has always been fair with me. I myself know that my kitchen isn't always sparkling and the equipment I use is quite old and tatty, the pans are all carbonized because I can't afford a de-carbonizer, but I am always up to to date with my paper work and as soon as we get a quiet period the kitchen gets a proper deep clean. In the past he has always understood this and let us get on with it.
However yesterday I had a phone call on my day off saying the EHO was in and ripping the kitchen to shreds, throwing away all the equipment that wasn't perfect, saying that cooked meat wasn't supposed to be kept on the top shelf, etc. This was our first quiet day in the last few months and I had left a list for the Kp's to get cleaning. The junior sous chef showed him the list and that we were dealing with it, and he just shrugged his shoulders and basically said "I don't give a fuck!"
I wonder if some chef had give him a hard time earlier that day and i was reaping the rewards or weather his wife had told him she was sleeping with a chef because he was a boring, small cocked ass hole who couldn't give her an orgasm!

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Vac Pac's, Water baths and Paco Jets

I would love these machines but have never seen or touched them in the flesh. I have of course tried my homemade versions with some clean film and a rationale on steam but I really don't think it is the same. I am lucky if I can keep basic equipment up and running like robot coupes and soup blenders. The other day the soup blenders was broken for a couple weeks and I had 3 chefs stood around a big pan of soup each with a tesco value stick blender in hand willing it to puree. Every time I do manage to get some new equipment I must get the one that they have just stopped making because when something goes wrong with it, no one can ever manage to get a replacement part for it.
I do envy these chefs that get a totally brand new kitchen and get to choose everything they want to put in it, but to be honest I wouldn't have a clue how to use any of it any way. If we did have a Vac Pac machine Big Stan would probably try and vac pac his over sized balls for a giggle. It might be worth trying to get one!

Thursday, 24 March 2011

what happened to the Xmas presents?

What ever happened to a good old fashioned Xmas present off a supplier? I know that taking kickbacks is deemed illegal and I would never condone it ( well no one has ever offered me anything so we don't really know!)  but surely a Xmas present is just a thank you for spending £50k a year with someone. I remember some of my old head chefs getting a office full of booze at Christmas as presents from various suppliers and one would be taken away on all expenses paid golf days. I never did ask him though if he was with these suppliers because they offered the best service or they were the cheapest. Actually i do remember seeing him with lots of brown envelopes full of cash sticking out of the ass of a chicken.